Highbrow is ambushed by Scorponok and the Decepticon Headmasters, who want to use him as a weapon against the Autobots.
If you go down to the woods, you’re sure of a big surprise… in this case a nightmarish Scorponok, his powerful pinchers reducing a tree to wood filings as he rampages through a forest in pursuit of Highbrow.
This is the dramatic opening to All in the Minds, an 11-page Simon Furman tale, illustrated by Dan Reed, in the 1988 Transformers annual.
The story has a very simple premise: Highbrow, the Autobot Headmaster, has been lured into a trap by humans under the psychic control of Mindwipe. He’s been ambushed by Decepticon leader Scorponok and will be deployed as a weapon against the Autobots unless he can escape.
If the story feels familiar it’s probably because the 1987 story Worlds Apart also featured a duel between this middle ranking Autobot and the larger more powerful Scorponok (depicted by Reed with monstrous fangs).
It might be that Scorponok has developed an unhealthy fixation on Highbrow after that earlier incident, perhaps as a revenge for his defeat at that earlier encounter. Or maybe Highbrow was just unlucky enough to fall into the trap.
The action is pretty much constant. I like the panel where Scorponok punches the gun from Highbrow’s hand, causing major damage to the weapon. He then pummels Highbrow’s face, which you would think would cause serious injury to Gort (the Nebulan who becomes Highbrow’s head).
Scorponok is wearing his shield, which is rare in the comic, but familiar to kids who owned the Scorponok toy. In fact, I still have mine today, although it’s a little worse for wear having been passed down through the family.
Highbrow thinks fast, jamming Scorponok’s pincher with a log – a short distraction. And then finding his damaged gun, he sets it to overload and magnetically attaches it to Scorponok’s chest where upon it explodes spectacularly.
As Scorponok sinks to his knees cursing, Highbrow comes under attack from the air by the Horrorcons (Apeface and Snapdragon) in the aircraft modes. He transforms into a helicopter and does some fancy flying through the woods causing the less accomplished Apeface to collide with trees. Snapdragon, transforming into dragon mode, starts tearing up trees looking for his quarry.
Highbrow doesn’t get far as he runs into an airborne Mindwipe (in bat mode) who unleashes his hypnotic scare. This is an ability which is rarely seen in other TF stories but showcased quite nicely here. It reveals Mindwipe to be a powerful adversary.
Scorponok tears off Highbrow’s Autobot insignia and as he wakes up the two Decepticons try to convince him they are all comrades. The plan seems to work, until the pair transform their heads into Lord Zarak and Vorath, and Gort emerges from Highbrow. Gort as we know, never properly integrated his mind with Highbrow, and in this case has escaped Mindwipe hypnosis.
He attacks Vorath but Zarak is able to recombine with Scorponok. Gort’s only chance is to reunite with Highbrow and risk falling under the Decepticon spell once more.
Readers assume this is what has happened, until Highbrow reveals his compliance is an act (Gort was able to take control after all) and he rips Scorponok’s head from his shoulders, rendering both body and head comatose.
It’s the result of the head detaching without the proper mental commands apparently. I thought that was quite a neat way to exploit a Headmaster’s weakness, even one as powerful as Scorponok.
The story ends with Highbrow trudging off into the sunset carrying Scorponok’s head as a spoil of war. We would find out what happens next in the second part of 1989’s year opener, Time Wars.
It’s Christmas and Optimus Prime returns to Earth to rediscover his connection to the planet, and the Powermasters investigate a robotic rampage.
The iconic image of Optimus Prime in a Santa outfit on the cover of Marvel UK Transformers #41 established the tradition of the ‘Christmas issue’. That was in December 1985 and the festive edition became an annual thing thereafter.
Each year the comic’s regular writer Simon Furman would conjure up a different scenario where a Transformer would discover the ‘meaning of Christmas’. This was not in a religious sense (that might be a bit misplaced in a comic about warring robots) but on the theme of ‘peace and goodwill to all men’ and with lots of snow!
The first time we had Circuit Breaker halting her attack on Jazz after Buster Witwicky drew her attention to the sound of Christmas bells. The next year Buster gave Jetfire the ‘gift’ of perspective. And in 1987, Starscream learned to do a good deed! As you can probably gather these stories were fluffy feel-good tales, containing a bit of action and humour, plus sentimentality bordering on cheesy.
The average reader would have been boys and young teens for whom Christmas would be a special time of year, and the comic wanted to be a part of that. Fair enough.
Cold Comfort and Joy, from December 1988, follows the established pattern. This time the cast are the Autobot Powermasters and the new look Optimus Prime – all of whom were headlining the toy range at that time. And unusually, not a Decepticon enough.
Optimus has returned to Earth for the first time since his resurrection on Nebulos but is not quite the robot he once was. There’s also a mystery about a giant robot ‘attack’ on a human settlement that the Powermasters set off to unravel, and finally a resolution for Prime’s malaise.
Optimus Prime not being his old self is one of the more interesting aspects of Furman’s story. The great Autobot leader was of course fatally wounded following his encounter with Megatron in the multi-world (see the 1987 classic Afterdeath!) and his essence preserved on disk by Ethan Zachary. After existing for a time as a games character, Prime was eventually retrieved and downloaded into a new and upgraded body by the Nebulan scientist Hi-Q (who went on to become his Powermaster engine and binary-bonded partner).
But it’s an interesting question whether this Optimus Prime is the same being who led the Autobots previously, or a clone copy. I prefer to think he is one the same, but it would be understandable if this resurrected Prime was missing some of the memories and learned insights that defined and shaped the old Optimus (I mean, how much data could Ethan really have saved, especially on a single floppy disk!!).
This new Prime knows how important the Earth was to his former self. But standing amid the snow-covered landscape he is struggling to remember what he ever saw in the place. Hi-Q is “enchanted” by the winter wonderland (do they have snow on Nebulos? Maybe not) and Prime thinks their bonding may have changed him. My theory is the missing data, but anyway…
There are echoes of Furman’s earlier classic, Crisis of Command, where Prime was restored to the leadership after a period as a dismembered captive of the Decepticons and suffered a crisis of confidence – did he still have what it takes to lead? This time Prime is unsure that he can still prioritise the protection of the Earth over doing what is militarily necessary to end the Decepticon threat.
Andy Wildman, the artist who would become a close Furman collaborator, provides the cover and the internal artwork. Some people will like the fact that he draws his robots with human like expressions and rubbery faces, but I’m not keen. I prefer the sharp lines of the Geoff Senior approach. And the three Nebulans on Andy’s cover all look like the same person.
That said, the cover works well as a teaser for the story, with Hot Wire, Lube and Rev telling the reader that “they said” (they being the Autobots) they would teach them all about “peace and the spirit of goodwill” but instead the Autobots are in the background involved in a big scrap. What’s going on? Readers will surely pick up the comic to find out, especially as the opponents look very much like the Autobot triple changers Sandstorm and Broadside.
With this being a Christmas edition, Furman and Wildman have a bit of fun with the story. We get Slapdash watching TV and referring to Miami Vice as “Miami Metal Clamp or something like that” and learning a kick from the show. And later, in the flashback to the Ark rebuilding a Transformer, there’s blueprint on screen for a toaster!
The story begins with a nice splash page of Optimus Prime walking the Earth once more, and its Christmas day. He’s lost in thoughts, wondering what’s changed and why he no longer feels the same affinity for the planet that he once sacrificed his life for (maybe it’s the cold and the snow?).
The Powermasters are waiting for him in the shuttle. Joyride is worried about their leader, while Slapdash just wants the door closed to keep the draft out (fair enough). His TV viewing gets interrupted by a newsflash of a giant robot rampage through Border Flats, a nearby settlement. The Powermasters link up with their Nebulans and roll-out to investigate.
Prime reviews the early days on Earth, from the first battle with Megatron in Sparkplug’s scrapyard, to the battle in the Ark four million years previously, which resulted in the fateful crash landing on Earth. He remembers now – it was his decision to force the crash, intending to take Megatron and the Decepticons with them, and the civil war on Earth is his responsibility – the “sins of the Autobots” as Prime puts it.
This idea, that Prime deliberately sacrificed them all to try to end the war, would be developed further in Furman’s Transformers ’84: Secrets and Lies mini-series in 2021.
The Powermasters roll through the devastated town, convinced that they are witnessing Decepticon handiwork. They standout like you would expect (one is a yellow racing car after all) but nobody seems to spot the lack of any drivers. Joyride is pissed that those responsible have “crushed the spirit” of the townsfolk.
When they spot large footprints, they race after them and pounce on the trio – Slapdash even uses a kick he learned from Miami Metal Clamp! It turns out their opponents are in fact the Autobots Sandstorm, Broadside and Inferno, and they had been trying to get close to the festive celebrations when they sparked a panic and busted up buildings. Oh dear.
Optimus arrives to apply some perspective: the incident has reminded them that they do not belong on the Earth and have a duty to safeguard it. Joyride observes that Christmas is for sharing and giving, but all the Transformers have given is war.
And Prime vows to do something about that, starting with clearing up the town. The snowstorm is clearing, but with so many Decepticons still at large, Prime observes that the real storm is still to come.
And of course, he’s not wrong, as 1989 is to begin with the hotly anticipated Time Wars – where a rift in space and time is threatening to destroy Earth and Cybertron. It’s touted in the ‘Next Week’ feature as seven issues that are “destined to be the finest comics you’ve ever possessed”. That’s a bold statement.
Lastly, on the Dread Tidings page there was a form inviting readers to send off for the Transformers Universe (a book of profiles on each character) for the amazingly low by modern standards price of £1.99. Of course I sent off for it and it was a fantastic purchase.
The Decepticons view the contents of their captured Autobot tapes in holographic ‘real-vision’ and get a ring-side seat for an early encounter between Optimus Prime and Megatron
The Flames of Boltax is in the category of Bob’s less impressive 1988 output – a dull and fairly pedestrian scene-setter which introduces the Underbase as this powerful force that was cast into space millions of years ago and is on its way to Earth.
Bob’s four-part Underbase Saga began with Club Con in the previous issue and is building to the double-sized fiftieth issue of the US Transformers title, in which Bob will cathartically lay waste to huge swaths of the characters he has been forced to introduce over the years to keep pace with Hasbro’s ever expanding toy range.
With hindsight you can also detect the early signs of Bob beginning to tire of the Transformers title which had been his mainstay for the past 4-5 years and which he would be handing over in a matter of months to Marvel UK’s Simon Furman.
Following on from the events of Club Con, where the Decepticons’ human prisoner, Buster Witwicky, had been promoted as ‘island ruler’ as part of that madcap scheme, Buster now finds himself under attack by an array of strange laser-beam emitting creatures and machines. He takes a blast square in the chest and is surprised to feel no pain. Buster quickly realises it was an illusion and is helpfully informed by Decepticon commander Ratbat that he’s been unwittingly testing their new technology, ‘Realvision’ (think of the holodeck from Star Trek TNG).
Starscream further updates that the tech has been installed to view the captured Autobot tapes so recently recovered from the ocean floor. As captors go, these Decepticons are extremely generous with the information they proffer to their captive Buster. I’m wondering though, how he is being fed, watered, clothed and provided with toilet and shower facilities in his ‘cell’.
Ratbat really has lost the plot at this point. He’s appointed as his second in charge, Starscream, who has a track record of plotting against and betraying every Decepticon leader he’s ever served under, and some cursory background checks or asking the views of say, Soundwave (who ought to be the number two) would have quickly revealed this. In subsequent issues, this error of judgement on Ratbat’s part is about to have catastrophic consequences.
And just quickly on Soundwave – he’s been drawn with a mouth rather than his signature faceplate and coloured purple. I doubt I would have been the only one to find this irksome. Ironically, my UK comic which reprinted the Flames of Boltax story (TFUK #196 from December 1988) features Soundwave as he is supposed to look on p2 among the teaser images of characters appearing in the edition.
The two Autobot cassettes which contain the Underbase knowledge are Grand Slam and Raindance, part of the 1987 Hasbro toy range. They are worth a mention even though they display no sentience in the story.
In fact, the info on their toy boxes reveals that the pair are rather interesting characters (or deserve to be). Grand Slam is a “war weary veteran of ten thousand battles on a hundred worlds” and has dedicated his life to recording the sounds of the conflict – from “the nervous laughter, the cries of pain, the blistering explosions, the chilling quiets”. His motto is “the sounds of war are history speaking”.
Raindance specialises in video capture and is willing to “take any risk to record the best picture”. The pair have cassette and vehicle modes – Grand Slam is a tank, and Raindance a jet – and both combine to form the robot Slamdance.
These two are chroniclers, reporters, and historians of the Autobot-Decepticon conflict and quite unique as Transformers. They are interesting characters and it’s a real missed opportunity that they don’t come to life in this story.
They could easily have featured as part of Optimus Prime’s convoy alongside the Triggerbots, recording their mission to call on High Circuitmaster Boltax, which is the subject of the Realvision simulation that they generate for Ratbat and Starscream’s viewing pleasure.
That mission predated the Transformers coming to Earth four million years ago, and even Prime’s appointment as Autobot leader. At this point Prime is a field commander who is eager to bring Cybertron’s civil war to an end and hopes that Boltax’s famous database may hold the answers.
Prime’s is depicted by Jose Delbo as a futuristic looking truck but this ‘Cybertron mode’ is quite half-arsed when compared to the well thought out pre-Earth modes from the Dreamwave’s War Within series in the early 2000s. No effort has been made at all with Backstreet, Override and Dogfight’s alt-modes.
As the quartet journey through strange and treacherous terrain (bubbles and molten eruptions) the commentary from Starscream is amusing, noting that Prime became “even more foolish with age” – unlike today, he was willing to risk involving a neutral like Boltax.
As Buster escapes his confinement through an air vent, eager to catch a look at the information on the tapes, he’s attacked by cables, which ironically mirrors the vines which ensnare Prime and men, but are overcome, as well as collapsing floors.
Megatron makes an entrance with ‘Triggercons’ Ruckus, Crankcase and Windsweeper, hanging back to allow Prime to overcome and deactivate the series of traps before advancing. In the ‘present day’ Megatron is believed to be dead and it’s unnerving for Starscream to see his old rival back at the height of his powers.
Prime meets the disciples of Boltax as introduces himself (laughably) as Lieutenant Commander of the Autobot fourth computerised division (!). He’s urged to turn back immediately by these spindly robots, who don’t seem to be welcoming of outside visitors. “Pain and suffering will be yours if you stay,” is their cheery warning.
The Triggerbots set up camp nearby, allowing Prime to advance alone and meet with Boltax (or rather one of his vessels). We learn that the Underbase is a “collection of knowledge that underlies all databases” – a font of wisdom that Prime is granted access to, and promptly steps into a chamber to be bathed in light.
Megatron and his trio lay waste to the gatekeepers (who were pretty annoying to be fair) and do away with Boltax himself (although it’s just a puppet body and the real Boltax is in cyberspace around them).
Prime cautions Megatron that the knowledge contained is “too much for and one Transformer” and would lead to madness and death, which naturally Megatron dismisses and orders his Decepticons to unleash on Optimus.
Here the UK comic (TFUK #197) finds an inventive way to make up for the reduced US content by inserting as page 10 the cover of the American comic. It makes more of a set piece of Prime’s apparent destruction, and most readers would not have realised that this page was not meant to be there.
Prime staggers away and closes the vents (the titular ‘flames’ of Boltax) causing a build-up that blasts the Underbase into the heavens – though not before himself, Megatron and Triggercons are able to escape. So now we know that “Cybertron’s greatest treasure” is wandering the universe and highly desired by the Decepticons.
And far from ruining Prime’s reputation, his actions in denying Megatron ultimate power proved to be the making of him, no doubt putting him on course for the eventual full command of the Autobot forces.
As Starscream and Ratbat exit the simulation they are informed by Soundwave that he has calculated the course of the Underbase and, quell surprise, it is due to brush past the Earth in a matter of days!
Buster has been listening and watching and tries to make his escape (to warn the Autobots) only to bump into a wall that he thought was holographic. Ratbat concludes with a fitting line from the disciples: “Too much knowledge can lead to madness and death.”
In closing, the early days on Cybertron are a rich vein of untapped stories so it’s nice to see Bob delving into the past and fleshing out Prime and Megatron’s origins. The younger Prime is a little more impetuous but still recognisable, whereas Megatron was and still is the one-dimensional villain we love to hate.
I would have expected to see Prime flanked by his traditional lieutenants of Prowl, Ratchet, Jazz etc. rather than the Triggerbots, and likewise this is the first time Megatron has appeared alongside the Triggercons. Their appearance is obviously an opportunity for Bob to discharge his obligation to Hasbro to feature the new toy range where possible. Fine with me though as I have a soft spot for the Triggercon toys and owned a couple in the day.
There are a couple of teasers for the upcoming epic Time Wars in both UK issues which reprinted the Flames of Boltax. We’re promised world shattering events which also sounds promising for the upcoming two hundredth UK issue.
Jesse and Blaster go undercover posing as holiday makers at Club Con – why exactly have the Decepticons opened their island base up as a vacation resort for human holidaymakers?
Club Con is Bob Budiansky’s most offbeat and implausible tale since the infamous Buster Witwicky and the Car Wash of Doom. Essentially the set-up is the Decepticons have decided to commercialise their tropical island base as a summer vacation spot and are busy welcoming holidaymakers to their shores.
At this point in the Marvel comics run (December 1988) the Decepticon HQ was a vast undersea structure with an island façade up top and capable of transforming into a huge spaceship as and when the need required.
It’s fair to say that this island is more appealing holiday destination than the Decepticons’ former base, the Wyoming coalmine, but you would still have to be batshit-crazy to want to take your family to a resort run by giant alien robots that have been in the news for all the wrong reasons for four years.
As with the Carwash of Doom story from the previous year, Bob is asking readers to suspend their incredulity and just enjoy the ride. That’s fine as it goes but it takes a lot to get past the incredibly silly concept. Thank goodness it features my favourite Autobot, Blaster, and for the US audience there’s the debut of the Seacons (they already showed up in the UK in Enemy Action, where they battle Galvatron).
One of the hallmarks of Bob’s work is humour. He doesn’t take Transformers too seriously and will try a story that is tongue-in-cheek whether it’s a Decepticon holiday resort or Skullgrin forging a career in the movies. At his best he’s delivered stories like Warrior School and Prime Time and has earned the right.
Another indulgence is the cover. For the first and only time, Bob provides the cover image of Jesse fleeing the jaws of the Seacon shark Jawbreaker/Overbite – and it’s a cracking image, some real talent there.
The story opens with a TV commercial for Club Con with Starscream, now back in the Decepticon fold as Ratbat’s number two, transforming and landing outside a typical American home to collect and transport a family. Sandy beaches, fine restaurants, and a friendly staff (of Decepticons) await.
As I said, it requires a suspension of disbelief. In reality resorts need accommodation, bookings, chefs, supplies, room cleaners, pool cleaning, etc, plus of course someone with the know-how to book TV ads, assuming the Decepticons have money. Getting picked up by a robot calling itself ‘Starscream’ should ring the odd alarm bell as well.
Aboard the Ark, which we assume is orbiting the Earth once more, Optimus Prime is now installed as the Autobot leader and has Fortress Maximus and Grimlock as his senior team. They are watching the advert with interest and incredulity, and with Prime coming across a bit of a dick telling Grimlock to “shh” and pointing out the glaring obvious to Fortress Maximus that Buster Witwicky – who is billed on the ad as the island’s ruler – is the brother of Spike, Max’s human component, and not Max himself.
Perhaps Prime is concerned by Max’s lack of objectivity where Buster is concerned, which had nearly disastrous results on a previous occasion (see the Desert Island of Space). Most likely though, the narrative is explaining Max and Buster’s connection to any new readers who may be unfamiliar.
Grimlock comes across as he frequently does in the US comics as a moron – exclaiming “goody goody! Grimlock want to bash Decepticons.” Prime decides instead that they will send an agent undercover to infiltrate Club Con and find out what is really going on. Cue Blaster, who is currently being put through his paces by his “Auto-buddies” which includes Outback (not sure he should be here) and what looks like the Decepticon Runamuck (who definitely isn’t supposed to be here).
Back on Earth, Sparkplug Witwicky is fixing a car to take his mind off the fact that his younger son has been a Decepticon captive for several months (bear in mind Sparkplug was Megatron’s prisoner for only a few days in the early comics and it was traumatic) and to make matters worse, his older son has effectively become a Transformer, having bonded with Fortress Maximus.
Buster’s girlfriend Jesse is keeping him company. This is the first time we’ve seen her since the infamous Carwash of Doom story and Club Con is, I’m pretty sure, her last appearance in the comic. It’s nice that she gets to play a leading role at last.
A large metallic egg falls from the sky and pops open to reveal a tape deck which transforms and grows into Blaster. He’s seeking Sparkplug’s assistance to sneak him into Club Con but Jesse points out that someone “as mature” as the older Witwicky might stand out, so it’s better for her to accompany Blaster.
Two days later Starscream is discussing with Ratbat on the progress of their “operation” which we learn that it is of great importance to the Decepticons on Cybertron. Starscream is flippant towards this Cybertron bean-counter who usurped Shockwave’s leadership, Ratbat, telling him he “worries too much” and neglecting to call him commander. He quickly covers the faux pas as a hangover from his long time in an Autobot stasis pod, but we can assume he’s no fan of Ratbat’s and will be scheming to replace him (as he has every other Decepticon leader).
Blaster and Jesse have arrived. I rather like his nick name for Jesse “soft-skin” showing an affection but also that TFs still find creatures of flesh quite a novelty from the machine lifeforms they are used to. Blaster is quite paranoid about Jesse’s safety, and rightly so as they are deep in enemy territory, but she’s far more daring and gives Blaster the slip under the guise of going snorkelling but she’s fishing for clues as to the reality of Club Con and where Buster might be.
Sneaking past a Stunticon ‘lifeguard’ she dives deep (without the use of an air tank!) and is terrified to see an enormous shark swimming her way! It turns out to be the Seacon Jawbreaker (Overbite as he’s known in the US comic and in the toy range) and he hasn’t seen her. Jesse observes the amphibious Decepticons swim into a hidden entrance.
Elsewhere in the comic, Dreadwind and Hi-Test are hitting their stride on the letters page and reveal that the Deluxe Insecticons are featuring in the upcoming Time Wars epic (these characters have been skipped entirely by the monthly TF US comic) and a kid from Milton Keynes has seen Devastator on sale – quite a rarity in the UK where we had more comics but unfortunately the reduced toy range. There’s also a page ad for Death’s Head’s new monthly title.
In the second part, Jesse reports back to Blaster about the undersea base. He’s concerned she’s taking too many risks, but she is having none of it and sticks him in a waterproof bag and swims him down to the underwater entrance (once again demonstrating an inhuman ability to hold her breath for a very long time).
As Jesse and Blaster sneak aboard, they go unseen by Dragstrip and Vortex who are walking by, and Vortex is telling his pal how he put a Constructicon in his place. Some Special Teams rivalry there between the old and the new!
They very quickly find a human-sized door and Buster inside. He’s pleased to see Jesse and seems rather frisky! Okay so Jesse is looking great in her bikini, but surely the top priority is to escape? As it happens, Buster is tethered around the ankle and the room is too small for Blaster to transform into robot mode and rip the bonds.
Buster will have to wait a bit longer for freedom. He can at least let them know what’s going on and tells them that something unknown is “heading for Earth”, and two Autobot cassettes called Raindance and Grandslam were sent from Cybertron to Earth to warn about it. They crash landed a couple of centuries ago and wound up in a pirate treasure chest that sunk aboard a galleon. So now the Seacons have been searching for the cassettes and the holiday operation is a big ruse.
Interestingly (or not) in Buster’s recap we see Defensor alongside Beachcomber. I’m pretty sure this is meant to be Perceptor but an error on the part of the artist.
Right on cue, the Seacons have located the treasure chest and present it to Commander Ratbat. While team leader Snaptrap is milking the moment (to Ratbat’s annoyance) Jesse swipes the two cassettes and scarpers, leaving a trail of wet footprints for the Seacons to follow.
She gets back the beach in quick time but the Seacons surface and start shooting at holidaymakers (a questionable strategy as I don’t see how that recovers the stolen cassettes, and it might even destroy them). Blaster breaks cover and transforms in order to battles the six heavily armed Decepticons. His only advantage is that, they are less effective on land, and he has his trusty Electro Scrambler gun to mess them up.
When a child gets in the firing line Blaster protects him and takes a direct hit. Weakened, he has no option but to spit the cassettes into the ocean and then revert back to tape deck mode as the Seacons dive in search of their missing treasure.
Jesse thinks she’s messed up, but thanks to her Blaster has accessed the data and learned the Decepticons’ plans… and she got a tan, so the trip wasn’t a total loss.
Club manager Starscream is left to apologise to the departing holidaymakers and to ask them (forlornly) to “come again” – he’s really taking his host duties more seriously that he needs to. Jesse climbs aboard a Decepticon jet bound for home, with Blaster promising a return visit sooner than the Decepticons think.
Some closing thoughts. The version of this story that was published in the US labels it part one of the Underbase Saga, a four part story. The UK treats it as a standalone. I think perhaps because the instalments will be interrupted by a Christmas issue. Jesse is fantastic in this issue as the main heroine, what a shame we won’t see more of her in future issues.
The mysterious Z Foundation assembles a human mercenary team called the Roadjammers, with Sizzle, Fizzle and Backstreet as their first victims…
On revisiting the Transformers story Ca$h and Car-nage for this review, I was reminded of the first time I read it in November 1988. Back then, the UK Transformers comic had started the year on a high, with great stories like Desert Island of Space and City of Fear but by the end of the year the story quality had a taken a dip (Big Broadcast of 2006 being the nadir, and Space Pirates somewhat disappointing) and mirrored by a downgrading of the paper quality itself.
Bob Budiansky’s Ca$h and Car-nage, from TFUK #192 and 192, seemed to be following than downward descent, introducing another set of annoying human adversaries that no-one called for, in The Roadjammers. Where previously we had The Mechanic who wielded stolen TF technology, or Circuit Breaker’s mastery of electricity, the USP of this latest threat is an ability to ‘jam’ or paralyse a Transformer, rendering them incapable of transforming.
Like The Mechanic, Circuit Breaker, and Robot Master from the early days, these cocky human enemies are irritating enough that part of me would like to see them get stomped on by Megatron! At the end of the story the Roadjammers are set-up for a return, but for whatever reason this never happens, either because Bob lost interestin them or more likely because he left the comic a few months later, but they turn out to be one-off wonders which does rather render the story a bit pointless.
All that said, on approaching the story after 35 years, I found it a lot more enjoyable the second time around. It’s no classic but neither is it as bad as I remember.
Stephen Baskerville provides a suitably engaging cover for TFUK#192, presenting an element of mystery as to who the ball-and-chain wielding human is that is preparing a hit against Sizzle and Fizzle and newcomer Backstreet.
Interestingly the former two are presented in their Hasbro toy colourings and referred to as Sparkabots as opposed to ‘Sparkler Mini-bots’ as UK writer Simon Furman has called them previously (I am unsure why Simon deviated from the Hasbro naming or colour scheme only to have to align later, as there seems no logic in doing this). The story is also the US debut of the Sparkabots, Firecons and Triggerbots.
The action begins at a county fair, where a Schwarzenegger/Terminator-esque guy in a trench coat, calling himself Burn-Out, steps up to a ‘Reck the Robot’ attraction and pulls out a massive shotgun. He blows a fake robot to bits, but rather than triggering a stampede from panicked spectators (and a police firearm squad deployment) he’s approached by the stallholder and offered an opportunity to do some “real” robot hunting for $50,000. Music to the ears of the facially disfigured Arnie-lookalike.
At a demolition derby elsewhere, a motorcycling maniac called ‘Roadhog’ swings a ball and chain and destroys a bizarre looking Transformer vehicle. He wins the ‘Z-Foundation Challenge’ and is also offered a chance to pit his skills against real life robotic opponent. And geeky bounty hunters ‘Felix’ and ‘Skunge’, who use their gadgetry know-how to get an edge, are recruited via a poster from the Z Foundation offering a reward for the capture or destruction of a Transformer.
The recruits all wind up in New York City two days later, at the Z Foundation’s corporate headquarters. Burn-out and Roadhog look like coming to blows but the other two are a calming influence and you get the impression that if they work together, they might be greater than the sum of their parts.
Incidentally the $50k reward is clearly some sort of industry going rate. It’s exactly the amount Donny ‘Robot Master’ Finkleberg was paid to betray Skids, and the cheque ‘Big Steve’ from the Used Autobots story got for turning in the Throttlebots.
The Roadjammers are greeted by three suited flunkies, Mr B, Mr L and Mr K who all work for the mysterious Mr Z. The team are given a set of jamming devices that will even the odds against a Transformer and will be paid for every robot they are able to decommission. They go on their way and B L and K report back to Mr Z (who despite being in silhouette is pretty obviously going to turn out to be Lord Zarak, the Nebulan companion of Decepticon commander Scorponok).
The scene then switches to Cybertron where the Sparkabots and Triggerbots are rotting away in a Decepticon prison camp. Their jailers – the Firecons Cindersaur, Flamefeather, and Sparkstalker – put down a mini-rebellion and march Sizzle, Fizzle and Backstreet away for an energon bath and to be sent over the space bridge to Earth. It appears they will be offered up as an opportunity for the Roadjammers to demonstrate their abilities, and soon after the three Autobots emerge on Earth and quickly run into the team on the open highway.
As a footnote, the version of the story which published in the States had text Sizzle and Fizzle speaking like it was their first time on Earth. The UK editorial team were obliged to change this to have them update Backstreet that they had been here recently to battle Galvatron.
Issue #193 opens with Roadhog motorbiking alongside Sizzle in a backwater part of New York State and using his jamming device to render the Autobot inert. Though helpless, Sizzle uses internal radio to warn his comrades about the menacing humans and their unorthodox weapons.
Backstreet is soon confronted by Skunge and, after being frozen and captured, is able to plant a seed that they are being set up by the Decepticons. Fizzle encounters Burn-Out and tries unsuccessfully to reason with him. He reiterates the warning just before taking a shot-gun blast to the windscreen and having a jamming device tossed into his front seat. But later the Roadjammers mull over the situation and decide they are being manipulated.
However, instead of concluding that the whole Z-Foundation is crooked, they decide that it’s probably just their three handlers and if they dob them into Mister Z, they can still get paid (optimistic or just daft, you choose). With that, they pilot the captured Autobots back to the basement of the Z-Foundation building.
Once there they encounter the headless bodies of three Decepticons sitting in the parking lot – none other than new Headmasters Horribull Fangry and Squeezeplay. Misters B, K and L arrive and rip off their suits ‘Superman style’ to reveal their robotic armour underneath. How they ever fit this under their clothing is quite the mystery. The trio then transform into the heads of the Decepticons and attach themselves, but not before Felix is able to make use of the signal splitter he devised to jam these three new robots. Gotcha!
B, K and L, aka Brisko, Kreb and Lokos, could be human recruits but most likely they are Nebulans who accompanied Zarak and his team and have been binary bonded to a new wave of Headmasters later. This fact is never explained so we can only assume.
Mr Z emerges from the shadows to congratulate the jammers on their ingenuity and rip off his suit as well to reveal himself some oversized armour. Yes, he was Lord Zarak after all, and announces he has created an anti-jamming device which will be fitted to all Decepticons. The Roadjammers were needed to test the jamming devices and now they can hand them over if they want to live.
To back-up the threat, Scorponok emerges on cue from the shadows (quite how you hide a gigantic robotic scorpion is probably even more incredible than Zarak concealing his armour). The jammers flee in terror, but smart guy Felix remembers they have six Transformers under their control, and he programmes them to attack the Decepticon leader.
Under heavy assault, Zarak is forced to activate the anti-jammer to release the Decepticons from Felix’s command, even though it also frees the captured Autobots, who promptly collect up the Roadjammers and hightail it out of there.
A safe distance from New York City, they ask the jammers to hand over their devices to be destroyed as payment for the rescue. The Autobots then disappear into the sunset leaving the jammers to count their hard luck. Felix is upbeat and reveals that he is already building his own jamming device, and with other groups out there would pay hard cash for captured Transformers, they’ll soon be back in business!
This is a fair point, as we know Triple I are always looking for an opportunity to capture a Transformer, and possibly Cobra too. To be nitpicky I do wonder how Zarak and co were able to settle in on Earth so quickly, learning the language and establishing a business HQ and the money to pay $50,000 rewards.
It might have been interesting to see what would have happened if the Roadjammers had returned but it was not to be. We also don’t find out how Guzzle or the remaining Triggerbots got out of jail, but they’ll all appear in later stories.
Overall, Ca$h and Car-nage is an enjoyable ride, interspersed with action and Bob’s usual humour and ingenuity, while seamlessly introducing new characters. Scorponok’s crew are steadily establishing themselves as the new Earth-based Decepticons and will in a few issues time absorb Ratbat’s crew into their ranks. Next issue it’s the return of the original Decepticons and one of Bob’s most bizarre TF stories to date – Club Con!
Decepticon Pretender Skullgrin is recruited by an unscrupulous movie director and paid in fuel to appear in his next blockbuster, and Circuit Breaker waits in the wings
1980s Marvel US writer Bob Budiansky will always be a legendary name in Transformers. He literally created all the original characters for Hasbro – Optimus Prime, Megatron, Grimlock – you name it, and fleshed out their personalities and backstories. On the comic he’s produced some truly memorable stories like Warrior School, the Matrix saga, The Smelting Pool. Alongside the action, there was always a healthy dose of humour, often involving the human characters.
The flipside of Bob’s genius were the ‘sillier’ ideas like the Car Wash of Doom which almost seemed to be Transformers taking the piss out of itself. Monstercon from Mars is very much in that vein, and like Car Wash it also revolves around an unorthodox method of Decepticons acquiring fuel from human sources.
This story also ties-up the loose end of the ‘Space Hikers’ kids, re-introduces Circuit Breaker after a long absence and works out a practical application for the pointless Pretenders disguises (no small feat).
Bob’s story, which was published in the UK comic in November 1988, is pencilled by his long-term collaborator Jose Delbo, and begins with a robotic with a salivating alien head, menacing a pretty young female. It looks like the set of a crappy 1950s B-movie, and it is (all apart from the era) as the leading man ‘Brick’, aka actor Jake Colton, rushes to the aid of his ‘love’ Celestia.
But then the robot prop blows a fuse, and its head explodes. Rollie Friendly the director screams at the poor old props guy and Jake establishes himself as a rude and rather unpleasant bloke who is deeply dismissive of his co-star Carissa Carr (who as a result wins the reader’s sympathy).
Case in point when Carissa muses, “maybe I should have become a nurse like mother wanted,” and Jake replies, “what a crushing loss to the acting profession that would have been.”
Filming is suspended for three weeks until the main prop can be repaired. Public relations ‘wizard’ Mitch Keno comes to see Rollie and switches on the TV news, where there’s live coverage of a Transformer event. Sky Lynx is returning four children to Earth after an absence of nearly a year (see Space Hikers and the Cosmic Carnival). Mitch hints that perhaps a Transformer could make an adequate movie star (?). It’s a neat way that Bob finds here to bring in Sky-Lynx and the Space Hikers, letting the readers know that they’ve been safely returned to their parents.
Sky Lynx reverts to his familiar (and bizarre) robot-esque mode and is happy to take questions from the media, while Josie ‘Circuit Breaker’ Beller watches from her van a distance away. She’s wearing a trench coat and hat, looking more like a private eye than the circuit coated avenger. The injuries she sustained at the hands of Shockwave (back in the 1985 stories Worse of Two Evils) was so long ago that a recap is needed, particular for any new readers. Bob has got very good at summarising her back story into four short panels.
Sky Lynx, sadly, falls foul of protestors and is pelted with rocks and hate, forcing him to flee, as the kids shed a tear. It demonstrates that Transformers are still very much misunderstood and feared by the public, a theme since Bob’s very first stories.
Mitch has got another idea for Rollie – Bigfoot sightings have been reported in the paper and perhaps this creature would make a decent film star? (Stop laughing ok!!) Most people would usher the guy out the office by this point, but Rollie decides he may as well do a bit of backpacking on the off chance he might find Bigfoot! Deary me. And orders Jake and Carissa to jump in the jeep and accompany him and Mitch.
At the foothills of the Great Smokies in North Carolina, the film crew, run into an army cordon and can go no further. So, Rollie pays a cash-stricken farmer to show them the way. An hour later, in a clearing full of toppled trees and crushed homes, a gigantic monster confronts them – it’s the Decepticon Pretender Skullgrin, he kicks over the camera crew’s van. Once Rollie realises the monster can talk he uses his smooth talking to strike a deal.
A quick recap from days earlier sees Skullgrin being sent to Earth by Scorponok to locate a fuel source for the eventual Decepticon landing (apparently his shell is durable enough to withstand a trip through Earth’s atmosphere without burning up). The commander hadn’t stipulated how to secure that source, so Skullgrin decides to work for his living (very un-Decepticon-like you would think). In no time at all Skullgrin is gracing the cover of magazines and being billed as a ‘star’, even attracting his own fandom.
In the second, half Jake Colton’s ego is threatened by Skullgrin’s success, and Circuit Breaker’s instincts that there may be a robot connection with the Skullgrin phenomenon is piqued when she sees a fleet of Blackrock tankers visiting the movie set. In a rather daft moment, Skullgrin is sent out to do a press conference and loses his rag with the media’s accusatory line of questioning. He starts smashing up the set and sending everyone running, until Carissa intervenes.
It seems Skullgrin has a sweet spot for Carissa, or as Rollie puts it like a ‘real-life beauty and the beast’ story. However, I can’t believe the media is just accepting that this is a real-life talking monster!
Carissa, being a kind-hearted soul, takes pity on the wheelchair-bound Circuit Breaker, who is being ushered away by security, along with the rest of the visitors. They have a brief chat in which Circuit Breaker claims to be a big Skullgrin fan and Carissa lets slip that they will be filming tomorrow at the Grand Canyon.
The next day filming continues as normal, with Jake delivering cheesy and slightly sexist lines. Carissa gets changed into her casual wear and tells the Skullgrin how good it feels to be plain old ‘Ethel Stankiewicz’ again (her real name – not surprising she uses Carissa Carr) and Skullgrin exudes even more unlikely sentimentality and decides to share his secret and pops out of his shell to show off his robot mode.
I have to say, I much prefer the way the shells divide in the comic (down the middle as opposed to the front and back of the toy) and Skullgrin’s robot mode looks much better here than the spindly toy I once owned.
Circuit activates her armour, springs out of her wheelchair and unleashes a huge burst of electricity against Skullgrin. Carissa is shocked when she realises it’s the woman in the wheelchair and angry because SHE told her where Skullgrin would be. Rollie, meanwhile, orders his cameramen and Jake to start filming.
Skullgrin operates his shell by radio control and has it swing a sword at Circuit Breaker. Clearly there are some advantages to being a Pretender (beyond an unconvincing disguise) as it doubles the fighting force. As Skullgrin transforms to vehicle mode and lines up his shrapnel blasters, Circuit Breaker radio commands the Pretender shell to attack its owner.
A stray shot results in the cliff Carissa was standing on crumbling. Skullgrin (having recombined with his shell) hears her cries for help but thinks she betrayed him by leading Circuit Breaker there. Finally, he is persuaded by his Circuit Breaker’s admission that she tricked Carissa and he plucks her to safety. Rollie hollers to her to finish the monster off and he’ll ‘make her a star’ but this only incenses her to unleashes on the cameras and destroys the footage.
She departs leaving the greedy producer with nothing to show for his trouble, and presumably the end of Skullgrin’s brief tenure as a movie star.
In closing, there is a lot of cliché, slapstick and humour (make up people talking about sandblasting Skullgrin’s nails and powdering his horn for example) but this story is better enjoyed if you don’t take it seriously and just go with it. Bob is either run short of ideas or reaching a point where he’s no longer too fussed.
On the other hand, it can’t be easy to find ways to integrate Transformers whose disguises are gigantic monsters into an Earth setting without straying into Bigfoot (and later) King Kong type territory. It’s nice to see Circuit Breaker back, rather than forgotten about, although she’s still as stubborn and annoying as ever (amazingly though, she’s attacking a Decepticon for once).
Skullgrin and his friendship with Carissa does come across as likeable and genuine, though mercifully less erotic than Skids getting his hubcaps buffed by Charlene! He even seems to care for such things as making an arrangement to secure fuel where “nobody gets hurt” which suggests a bit more depth of character than the average Decepticon.
Overall, the story is hardly a classic, but its fun and I enjoyed more than I thought I would. Elsewhere in the comic, Action Force is back as the second strip, meaning Visionaries is out already. And Marvel UK is heavily promoting Simon Furman’s new Death’s Head monthly title.
Cyclonus and Scourge call on Shockwave to form an alliance, only for their stupidity to land them in a fight for their lives against the ultimate opponent
THA-KUNCH! The sound of an uppercut from a mystery assailant that leaves Galvatron damaged and disorientated. He retreats to prepare a particle cannon blast, but takes a drop-kick and is blown to bits by a Fusion Cannon blast – Fraddam! It’s all over in 10 seconds. Megatron is victorious!
It’s fair to say that Dry Run, the 1988 story from Marvel UK (scripted by Dan Abnett, using a plot by Simon Furman), makes a dramatic entrance. Long-time readers will have been aware that Galvatron is the most powerful Decepticon there is. Created by a god (Unicron) during the Transformers Movie, he’s said to be the ultimate enhancement of Megatron – more powerful, more durable, more cunning. Yet here getting his ass kicked by his less powerful former self. What gives?
Simon Furman’s masterpiece Target: 2006 introduced readers to the concept of facsimile constructs – automated fake Transformers used in combat training. So, it’s not a surprise that Galvatron we’ve just witnessed getting ripped to bits is a fake, and I cannot imagine that Megatron could dispatch the real Galvatron with the same effortless ease. Nevertheless, Shockwave is pleased.
Since Enemy Action, earlier in the year, he’s been paranoid that Galvatron, who fled 2006 to hide out in ‘present day’ Earth (the 1980s as was), is out to steal his command. And not wanting to take him on directly, Shockwave had recovered the non-functional Megatron from his watery grave in the Thames and reprogrammed him into an obedient agent of destruction.
In the US ‘master’ continuity Shockwave burned up in Earth’s orbit after a space battle with Fortress Maximus (see Desert Island of Space) and the ambitious Ratbat very rapidly jumped into his seat (Shockwave would resurface on the beach at Blackpool in a later US story, creating a continuity faux pas).
In the UK comic, the fall to Earth was less of a big deal. Shockwave dusted himself off and regrouped to the original Decepticon base, Fortress Sinister, to continue his machinations. One of these would have been dealing with the Galvatron situation. However, if he’s worried about threats to his command, Ratbat ought to be the immediate problem.
As Shockwave muses the possibility of testing Megatron against more substantial opposition, he watches Cyclonus and Scourge on the monitor. These two refugees from the future are waiting in the hall, having come to Shockwave for his protection following their abortive attack on Galvatron (they confronted their former boss, Galvatron, in Wrecking Havoc hoping to steal his time travel device).
It’s debatable what protection Shockwave can provide, seeing as he seems to be on his own in the fortress – the rest of his Decepticon army is with Ratbat.
Cyclonus is on edge. He’s uncomfortable about cosying up to Shockwave, who was their hated commander in 2008 and who they subsequently executed (well, Death’s Head did the deed, but with their help). This was in the very excellent Legacy of Unicron part 2 of course. Scourge seems to be thinking more clearly, though that’s not saying much.
Within seconds of Shockwave entering the room and letting them know they’ll be serving him, Cyclonus is ‘triggered’. He calls Shockwave a “pompous, overbearing fool” and goes further – much further – by letting slip that they are destined kill him in the future and take his command. It’s such a ridiculously dumb and unnecessary outburst, like he’s developed the robot equivalent of tourettes syndrome! Scourge is furious.
The response is predictable: a volley of fire from Shockwave (who manages to miss, despite being at point blank range) as Cyclonus and Scourge scatter. The hapless pair unite with their Targetmaster Nebulans, Nightstick and Fracas, and return fire (also misfiring!). What happens next is entirely foreseen…
Shockwave appears with Megatron, instructing him that these are two ‘lieutenants of the hated Galvatron’ and must be destroyed, he’s happy to oblige. Cyclonus and Scourge are shocked and surprised – first Cyclonus is hit by a Fusion Cannon blast, and Scourge is pummelled and thrown against a wall.
Cyclonus, getting throttled, opens fire at point-blank range but Megatron only seems to become more enraged. He crushes Nightstick (surely fatal for the Nebulan) and threatens to crush Cyclonus, who screams for Scourge to help.
Scourge, on his knees, lines up Megatron with Fracas on full power to unleash a fatal blast. Then he thinks of the timeline, if Megatron dies might that mean that he can’t become Galvatron in 2006, and Cyclonus and Scourge might cease to exist as well. It’s a fascinating conundrum, and one that Scourge is not willing to test. He reverts to his jet mode and flees the fortress with Fracas, leaving poor old Cyclonus – the guy who was once able to throttle Megatron in Target: 2006 – to be terminated by Megatron tearing his head off.
In deep space the ‘heavens scream’ as a tear in space time is formed. Decapitation in a kids’ comic, well why not? It’s happened before, to Optimus Prime during the ‘Creation Matrix saga’ of 1985, and Scorponok’s head is severed by Highbrow in the 1988 Annual story All in the Minds. Neither of these died so Cyclonus seems to have been very unlucky in this instance!
In epilogue, Shockwave has decided that Megatron has proven himself ready to take on the main target. Human media reports a mechanoid answering Galvatron’s description running riot through a nearby settlement. Shockwave dispatches Megatron to find the “impostor who claims to be descended from you” and destroy him! And so, the stage is set for that irresistible reckoning, in the 1988 Transformers Annual (on sale now, naturally). It’s a good piece of marketing.
This issue is part of a major story arc that Simon Furman has been weaving in the UK comics since Fallen Angel (way back issue #101) where Galvatron fled to Earth’s past. We’ve since had Cyclonus and Scourge travel back (further disrupting time) and now the death of one of them nearly 20 years before his creation. This resulting rift in space-time is apparently the cause of the destruction of the Quintesson planet, as seen recently in the Space Pirates saga.
(Why the rift should form half the galaxy away at the Quintesson planet rather than at source is a curious question – there they are minding their own business, staging gruesome executions, and a rift that’s nothing to do with them shows up to destroy everything).
The comic is still being printed on the lower quality paper, but thankfully with eight of the 24 pages on glossy, including the cover. This is important as the tip in physical quality is unsettling. I remember thinking at the time that it was a sign of cost cutting and maybe the comic was losing sales and might be about to fold. In fact, it would survive until early 1993, though resorting to black and white and reprints along the way, which would test the loyalty of readers.
What happens when Megatron and Galvatron meet is told in the Annual story Altered Image.
A gremlin-like creature with a fondness for arson arrives from space and sets a human town ablaze, as Inferno, Broadside and Sandstorm investigate
“Shorter but no less shocking,” is how the introduction to UK Transformers #188 describes it’s 11-page story, Firebug. It appeared in print in October 1988, straight after Simon Furman’s Space Piratessaga which culminated with the colossus, Metroplex, stomping on Sharkticons and the Quintesson planet blowing up!
After that, whatever followed was likely to be more sedate, regardless of the comic’s claims to the contrary, but a change of pace is no bad thing.
The first thing to notice about this issue is the dip in paper quality. As a guy in my school rather crudely put it: “It’s been printed on bog roll!” He had been collecting since the early days like I had but gave the comic up soon after. He had probably grown out of comics, but the recent run of poor stories wouldn’t have helped.
For whatever reason, being busy or just bringing forward new talent, Furman is credited with the plot and has delegated the actual writing duties to newcomer Dan Abnett. It’s the first time Simon has not been credited as the writer of a UK story in the weekly comic since I think Mike Collins did Crisis of Command in 1986.
It’s a gentle easing into franchise for Abnett, with a fairly throwaway tale about a space gremlin who starts fires and provides a challenge for our resident fire engine Inferno (last seen meeting his making in an exploding spaceship in 2008, this is his earlier ‘present day’ self). The Firebug character has not appeared in Transformers before and won’t do so again, so I suspect he was just brought in this one time as an obvious nemesis for the big red fire engine Autobot.
On the plus side, it’s nice that Inferno is finally making appearances in the comic. He was part of the 1985 Hasbro toy line, very much yesterday’s news for the toymaker which has moved on to Headmasters, Powermasters, Pretenders and the like, so it’s good that this older character has featured.
Sandstorm and Broadside are his companions, and Broadside seems to spend chunks of the story being bickering with the other two, despite being the team leader. Following an intro page where a meteor impacts near Mt St Hilary in Oregon (naturally) overnight, the Autobot trio landed the following day.
They’ve been sent by Emirate Xaaron, the elder and commander of the Autobot forces on Cybertron to set up a permanent reconnaissance post (you would think Xaaron has enough on his plate on Cybertron without worrying about Earth). They cloak the ship and make a joke about remembering where they parked, which feels like it’s been nicked from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
Inferno teases pokes fun at the Wreckers’ last visit to Earth to take down Galvatron which turned into a disaster when they materialised in a human settlement (this time it’s old-fashioned travel by spaceship). Broadside getting touchy and squaring up to Inferno is not a great look for a unit commander. Sandstorm intervenes.
The orange triple-changer then goes off to investigate smoke in the distance. Even though they are not permitted to get involved in human affairs (sounding even more like Trek) he’s itching for some action. Inferno isn’t going – once you’ve seen the “molten heart of a star” Earth fires are minor league. Nice point.
Sandstorm finds a small town ablaze and a major emergency in progress. Broadside agrees they will have to step in. This gives Inferno an opportunity to do the firefighting he’s well equipped for, until Broadside catches a glimpse of something in a burning building. It turns out to be Firebug, a native of Furnacia, who feeds on high temperatures and likes combustible matter (Earth is rich pickings).
There’s a bit of humour from the writer about the nomadic Firebugs having ended up on an ice world “with predictably disastrous results,” Inferno notes.
This Firebug is fast and easily evades the Autobot trio’s clumsy attempts to capture him. I did laugh at the frames where Sandstorm fires his Silica Gun and melts a Ford Fiesta (not too many of those in Oregon I’d bet, though they were common to the UK back then). After dodging fireballs and bumping into each other, the Autobots team up to pin the Firebug down and extinguish his flame.
But what to do with their captive? They resolve to stuff him in a message pod (no radio messages then?) and blast him off to Mercury where the surface temperatures of 400 degrees C prove to be just the ticket. All’s well that ends well, and to fair to the Firebug, he’s not a villain but is just doing what his race does to survive, that’s burning things! In summary, not a bad little story but not destined to be a classic. Dan Abnett will get a chance to sink his teeth into something more consequential in the next story, Dry Run, which features the return of Megatron.
The Autobots and Decepticons team-up to repel the Quintesson invasion of Cybertron, and Metroplex is awakened to fight them on Earth
In 2008, the Quintesson home world (Quintessa?) is being torn apart by gravitational forces, making it necessary for them to expedite an invasion of Cybertron. Fearful that the Matrix of Leadership could thwart them, they have laid waste to Autobot City Earth and set a trap for Rodimus Prime, who is of course the bearer and keeper of the Matrix in this post Transformers Movie era.
Transformers #185 from Marvel UK, published in the Autumn of 1988, contains part 4 of Simon Furman’s story. Dougie Braithwaite is again credit with the art. His style is not quite to my taste but has its moments. One such scene is the defeated Autobots hanging from the city walls like a medieval or biblical display (the dead bodies of criminals being hung up as a warning). It’s one of the standout moments of Space Pirates, which is otherwise quite average as far as Furman’s “future” epics go.
The next phase of the Quintesson masterplan is underway as the Decepticon commander Soundwave leads his airborne army into a trap. He’s normally a wily operator but has been completely fooled by the Quintesson’s fake plea for help, claiming that the Autobots were attacking their home planet. Soundwave should have known something was suss, as attacking worlds is not something Autobots do, but instead he saw an opportunity to strike at the Autobot base while the bulk of their forces would be absent.
Aboard Astrotrain with his team leaders, Soundwave is boasting of his impending success, pride before a fall and all that. Just in the Movie, Astrotrain can massively increase his size when is in plane or train mode, enough to accommodate numerous colleagues with room to spare.
They are attacked by Quintesson tridents and forced to bail out (Astrotrain reverts into a normal sized robot and joins the counterattack), it dawns on Soundwave that he has been played. Elsewhere, Wreck-Gar and Wheelie continue to deal with a heavily damaged ship and set a course for a remote asteroid. Both are still being as annoying as ever, talking TV and in rhyme. As I’ve said before, it must be a real pain for the writer to come up with their dialogue.
On Cybertron, Ultra Magnus and Blaster’s cassette, Eject, receive a distress call of unknown origin, which is of course from Soundwave. This suggests the two enemy camps are likely to join forces to repel the invading Quintessons. Surely there would have been ample Decepticon reinforcements to call on though? Their base may have been pinned down, but it’s a planet full of Transformers! The Quints should be massively outnumbered.
Part four ends on a decent enough cliff-hanger, with Rodimus arriving on Earth and whopping out the Matrix to heal the battered up Arcee, only to get ambushed by the Quintessons and one of them to fly away with the sacred bauble. With it out of reach, Prime shrinks and reverts to Hot Rod! A bad situation has got massively worse.
Elsewhere in the issue, there’s an opportunity to win one of three Trypticon toys (usually only available in the US). It’s a nifty prize and of course I entered the competition back in the day. Never won of course.
Lee Sullivan takes over the art for the final two instalments, depicting a very toothy Hot Rod and pliable faces for his robots, which I didn’t care for much at the time (the style has grown on me since). The final splash page with Metroplex is among his best work however and still looks very cool today.
Hot Rod and Arcee burn rubber away from hordes of Quintesson soldiers, bringing the ceiling down to cover their escape. General Ghyrik is scene watching various monitor screens, with the Matrix dangling from his pincher arm.
In need of reinforcements, Hot Rod and Arcee abseil down to the stricken Blaster (still unconscious and suspended from the city walls) and recover his cassettes. We previously saw Rewind, Ramhorn and Steeljaw in the 1986 Transformers Movie and it’s an exciting ‘fanboy’ moment with them making their comic’s debut.
On Cybertron, the Decepticons are still getting their asses whooped. Soundwave himself nearly falls foul of a Quintesson trooper sneaking up behind him, when Ultra Magnus arrives and blows the would-be assassin away. Salvation has arrived apparently, even though the ‘reinforcements’ only appear to comprise of Magnus, Eject and three of the Technobots (hardly a game changer).
Wreck-Gar and Wheelie bail out of their smoking shuttle on to a large asteroid where other Junkions are waiting with a transmitter, presumably to warn the universe of the Quintessons’ plans. To be honest it only really involves the Cybertronians and they have by now got a pretty good idea that they are under attack.
After some nice panels of the cassettes in pitched battle, part 5 concludes with Hot Rod successfully awakening the sleeping giant at the heart of Autobot City (and the reason it can transform) – with Metroplex bursting out of the ground. I dare say at this point, Hot Rod seems to be a much smarter and more effective than Rodimus was, which is a bit ironic.
The elements are all in place for a major Quintesson rout in the final part, which unfortunately takes the tension out of the story. Metroplex has apparently woken from his five year slumber like a bear with a sore head (usually a long sleep produces the opposite effect), and swats the invaders like insects.
General Ghyrik watches aghast, but he still has the Matrix, and this could yet give him a winning advantage. He goes off to retrieve it with Hot Rod following, fearful that the Matrix could be ‘perverted’ to the cause of evil (considering it would not open for Galvatron, a Decepticon, this seems unlikely).
Ghyrik gets a power boost from the Matrix and beats up Hot Rod, who is suffering from a nasty case of self-doubt, ‘wondering why the Matrix chose him’ until he predictably snaps out of it, snatches back the sacred talisman and restores himself as Rodimus Prime. He throws Ghyrik off the roof of Autobot City and leaves him a spectacular mess on the floor below!
On Cybertron, Magnus, now annoyingly drawn to the same proportions as Soundwave (when toy-wise he’s twice the size) work together to mop up the invading forces. Soundwave’s moment in the aftermath, where he considers that the two factions could perhaps reconcile, is a fascinating moment of what if. But he concludes that it would never work, there’s too much water under the bridge.
Finally, Wreck-Gar and the Junkions broadcast the Quintessons’ invasion plans to all of their would-be targets, leaving this soon-to-be extinct race without a card to play (all of which seems pretty vindictive). Finally, Quintessa is torn apart, with Lord Kledji threatening revenge (this would be the last time they appear in the comic though). We learn that Autobot scientists will soon discover that the planet’s demise was the result of a ‘rapidly expanding rift’ in the fabric of time and space… setting the scene for the next epic, the 1989 year’s opener Time Wars.
It’s interesting to note the clues as to the state of the comics market evidenced in Transformers #187. The first and last four pages are on the regular paper, and the rest of the book on what I would now call recycled paper. It’s a cheaper type and suggestive of the rising prices of paper, pushing up costs in the market.
At the same time, it appears that Marvel UK’s rapid expansion is coming apart. The weekly Action Force title has folded, followed by Visionaries (who’s final stories are being concluded in Transformers in the back up slot) and an advert for the Thundercats comic reveals it is amalgamating/absorbing the doomed Galaxy Rangers title. Elsewhere there’s plugs for Doctor Who Magazine, Dragon’s Claws (both of which I collected) and an upcoming Death’s Head title.
With their home-world coming apart at the scenes, the Quintessons launch a desperate plan to conquer Cybertron, starting with an assault on Autobot City
Simon Furman’s Space Pirates saga was published in issues #182 through to #187 of the Marvel UK Transformers comic, in September/October 1988. It’s another of the writer’s future epics using the cast and characters from the fan favourite Transformers animated movie. It’s one of the weaker future stories as far as I’m concerned, but after the truly terrible Big Broadcast of 2006 US story which preceded it, Space Pirates at least suggests a return to normal levels of story quality.
After 100 or issues since the last redesign, this was a moment for comic itself to ‘transform’. Out went the familiar page 2 design with the circuit board style border (which I really enjoyed) and a neat looking columns design which looked fresh. The masthead was enlarged, and the contents section done away with – but as the comic was only 24 pages anyway, how much use was it really?
The coming attractions half page has a redesign and Grimlock is out as the letter answerer, to be replaced by ‘Dread Tidings’ presented by one of the new Decepticon Powermasters, Dreadwind, and his Nebulan sidekick Hi-Test. He’s not an obvious choice, unlike say Soundwave, but on the other hand there’s something to said for having a bad guy as the letter answerer, some fun replies are to be expected.
The ‘handover’ from Grimlock to Dreadwind is satirised in a one-page Robo Capers special by the talented Lew Stringer (just like last time). And six pages of Lew’s Combat Colin strips are used as a stop gap in issue #183 until Marvel was ready to kick off the new (though quite temporary back-up strip) Visionaries. I think because the Visionaries comic had closed suddenly without completion. For me, not being particularly a fan of Action Force, I was happy to see a change of back-up strip. And Visionaries is a great 1980s cartoon, from Sunbow who also animated Transformers.
Story-wise, Space Pirates attempts to salvage a coherent narrative out of the nonsense that was BB2006, in which the Quintessons hypnotised half the universe to buy space for them to search for a canister on Junk. We never found out what the canister’s value was, so Simon has decided it contained secret plans for conquering other worlds. And the reason the Quintesson need a new home world is because theirs is suddenly and rapidly being torn apart by strange gravitational forces.
If plans had been transmitted across space by Quintesson agents and then stored in a canister, why not send them the rest of the journey by transmission? It makes no sense to encode them in a physical object that will take time to travel across space, particularly as the clock is ticking on Quintesson.
The story is set in 2008 (still futuristic destination for the readers of 1988) and the opens views of the Quintesson homeworld coming apart. Panic and desperation have set in on the planet, and given they’ve spent their time capturing and executing space farers over the years, one assumes they have little allies they can call on.
Whereas in the Movie the Quintessons were one-dimensional villains with a perverted idea of justice, the comic at least presents them as more of a regular state with scientists, military, and political leaders. One general called Ghyrik is dispatched to attack and secure their “primary target”, Autobot City, Earth, while General Jolup is to assemble the main fleet for an assault on Cybertron (their preferred choice for a new home world).
The Junkion leader Wreck-Gar, who we saw at the mercy of torturer last issue, remains their prisoner. He’s hauled into a court where a huge six-faced judge presides and where a previous defendant is being devoured by Sharkticons. Wreck-Gar has no wish to share this fate, and overpowers his guard, throwing him into the murky waters where the moronic Sharkticons rip him apart not realising he’s on their side. Wreck-Gar picks up a blaster from somewhere (it’s not clear where) and fights his way outside, escaping by boat. But while he’s navigating the rust sea hordes of Sharkticons attack the vessel from below the water.
Wreck-Gar, still talking TV, is engulfed by robotic carnivores as the Quintessons close in on Autobot City, ending the first part. Interestingly, there are no Transformers in this instalment at all, just Wreck-Gar and the Quintessons, I think this may be a first for the comic.
Part 2 opens with Arcee, rendered like a catwalk model by artist Dan Reed. She’s bored and decides to desert her post preferring a country drive to tedious guard duty. Naturally, this is just the time that Ghyrik launches his surprise attack. A ‘hi and die’ character called Hopper is blown to bits and Perceptor enquires as to whether Chase is still functioning following the attack (trouble is Chase has been coloured as Rollbar – oops). Sharkticon warriors breach the city walls and overpower the Autobots, with Blaster also gunned down before he can manually activate the city defences.
Back on the Quintesson Wreck-Gar repels his Sharkticon attackers with a burst of electricity, and Wheelie arrives overhead in a shuttle and pulls him aboard. With Wreck-Gar speaking TV and Wheelie’s entire dialog being spoken in rhyme, I can imagine the pair are challenging characters to write.
Part 2 concludes, predictably, with Arcee returning to the realisation, to her horror, that the city was attacked while she was goofing off. Rather than flee and raise the alarm she compounds her error by planning a surprise attack only to be cut down and captured. She is to be bait in a trap for the Autobot leader Rodimus Prime!
A couple of observations: it’s nice to see Arcee making her debut in the regular title, as well as Wheelie (previously both only appeared in the Movie adaptation.) Blaster appears in his TF Movie communications centre again and uses his line from the film, “they’re blitzing Autobot City”. Blaster is missing his trademark visor and for some reason seems a different character to the one Bob Budiansky writes so brilliantly. I feel like Simon can’t quite capture him.
Part 3, with a decent cover by Jerry Paris, is drawn by Dougie Braithwaite. The style is okay and very good in places – the final scene with the strung up Autobots for example, but Dougie’s faces are a bit cartoony for my tastes.
Rodimus has a frustrating call with the Junkions who have not seen hide not hair of Wreck-Gar and are still speaking in TV slogans (I can well imagine that gets irritating in a crisis). In recap, we learn something of why Prime is such close friends with Wreck-Gar, who he feels indebted to for helping them defeat Unicron not once but twice. The last Prime heard, Wreck-Gar was inbound, with news of a Quintesson threat to countless metallic worlds so top secret that he dares not speak it over an open comms channel.
On Earth, Ghyrik enjoys the views from Autobot City which are all the more sweet in light of his conquest. On Cybertron, phase two is in progress. A Quintesson agent had approached Decepticon commander Soundwave for help against the Autobots attacking their home world. Soundwave, falling for the ruse, decides the Autobot base on Cybertron will be vulnerable and rallies his key lieutenants for an assault, much to the pleasure of Lord Kledji on Quintesson, who sees the plans coming to fruition.
The only wildcard is Wreck-Gar, who has fled into hyperspace in a battle-damaged ship, which may yet blow up in his and Wheelie’s faces.
The issue ends with a surveillance droid relaying images to Prime and company, en-route to Earth, of their colleagues strung up on the walls like some medieval or biblical scene. This moment is up there with Shockwave’s ‘slabs of beef’ treatment of the Autobots way back in The New Order, and the decapitation of Cyclonus which is coming up. At this point the story seems to be warming up nicely.
One Shall Stand 